Jurassic Park Is The Best Movie Ever Made

Earlier this year, I had an infection which required me to go to Wal-Mart to get my prescription filled, something I really wish I didn't have to do. When is Wal-Mart going to start delivering? Seriously.

Anyway, the pharmacy line was long and still as a carcass. I was fourth in line at this point. Upon studying the situation, I learned that the guy at the very front was waiting for what turns out to be about fifteen different prescriptions. That is a lot of pills. This old dude was apparently quite the party animal. Finally, he received his last few bags, and was on his way.

Next in line was who I like to refer to as "the cast of 227". They were three very sassy and chatty and loud women and they took a long time as well, all the while chatting loudly about many mundane things that I cannot recall for obvious reasons. The Asian Hottie Window Clerk, who I think works at every pharmacy I go to, was overwhelmed with 227's prescription, which was probably for diarrhea of the mouth. After a little too long of a wait, they got their pills and were on their way to bother people somewhere else. Bear in mind that I'm not very impatient at this point because

a.) the wait at pharmacies is always long, always has been, and I'm used to it, and if it takes too long there's usually nothing you can do and

b.) Asian Hottie Window Clerk had my deepest sympathies for having to work at probably the least fun department of Wal-Mart.

Now, pretty much the entire time 227 was first in line, the guy directly in front of me, this snooty, rich white-haired dick in a sweater, was mumbling shit to himself, like, "What the fuck does it take to get these ladies their fuckin' pills?"

When it's finally his turn, he approaches the counter, says his name, and AHWC instantly turns around, grabs a big white bag, and hands it to the man as he hands her cash. The whole exchange was done in about forty-five seconds, a minute fifteen tops. He's handed his receipt, turns around and declares out loud, "Now that's how you check out!"

He then sauntered back to the exit, which was about four street blocks away.

I imagine he drove home, pulled his chair up to his desk, clicked on his lamp, opened his moleskin and began writing,

Dear Diary,
Let me tell you about my greatest triumph yet. I was at the market today and I had my good sweater on, and if you know me, you know I like to keep my business brief. Well guess what? I was in and out in a jiff! Let's just say if everyone made transactions like I make transactions, well...heh, I know, it's an impossible dream.

The bad news is I gotta take these pills just to jerk off now. Gone are the days of the ol' natural stiffie. But hey, at least I've still got my corvette. And my rifle. And my penis replica. And my giant fishin' pole. Aaaaand my summer sausage.

PS You should've seen everyone's face when they saw how efficient my exchange was. Fuck I'm good!!!
-------------------


Note: I'm sorry this entry wasn't about Jurassic Park. I could write one if yall want.