Oh, Telephone Line

Dream Debate:

Barack Obama: As president, I would bring change and hope, and I am also young, much younger than my opponent.

John McCain: Are you calling me old?

BO: I'm not "calling you old". You are old, and I'm pointing it out.

JM: I am not old! I'm seventy-one!

BO: ...

JM: You're Muslim!

BO: I assure you I'm not a Muslim. Perhaps you're a Muslim.

JM: That's ridiculous, I'm not half-black.

BO: Uhhhh...

JM: I bet you're a terrorist. I bet you and your best friend William Ayers celebrate 9-11 every year with a jaegerbomb party.

BO: My wife is my best friend, not Bill Ayers.

JM: And yea...what about your wife, that angry, racist cunt?

BO: No, John, that's your wife.

JM: Right. What did I say?

BO: You said my wife.

JM: What?

BO: My wife.

JM: What? Shit, my hearing just went out.

BO: Oh my. Are you sure you still even want to be president?

JM: Is being president anything like being tortured by the Vietnamese? Cause I can do that.

BO: Not really.

JM: Is it anything like marrying a filthy rich heiress with a cement heart?

BO: Uhhh, kinda, I guess.

JM: What? Ah, fuck it. I don't think I really want this job. They made it sound so great. But when I go down the list of things I'm good at, they don't really add up to "president".

BO: (screaming) So why still run?

JM: I'm on tv quite a lot, and everyone says such nice things about me.

BO: Must be nice. People love trying to hate me, but you seem so immune to negative press.

JM: The media is my base! How the hell I pulled that off I have no idea, but man, all I know is, lying is the way to go. If you lie enough, people LOVE you.

BO: That's admirable.

JM: No sir, I was a captain. My father was an Admiral.